Yawnk (savannahjan) wrote in forlonelyhearts,
Yawnk
savannahjan
forlonelyhearts

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Players

About a month ago, I had a romantic evening with a guy named Mike. I had seen and talked with him a couple times in a bar I frequent for karaoke. I had found him attractive and he had flirted with me a bit. Well, one particular Wednesday, he even asked me to dance. He asked me to pick a song for him to sing because he was trying to impress me. He let me wear his cowboy hat. He was boggled that me, a teacher, would be interested in a guy like him. He is the DJ at the bar we were at.

When the bar closed, he gave me his number and asked me to call him when I got back from my 2 week vacation. He then asked to walk me out to my car. I knew he was going to kiss me. And that was fine by me. I was even a little giddy about it. We got to my car, and sure enough, he asks to kiss me. And it was...yummy. He is a great kisser. We talked for a long time about how different we were. He lives the bar scene. He's in a band. He does own his own business. But we are very different. I don't drink or smoke, and I don't have premarital sex.

Well, he started kissing me again and then...he asked to touch my chest. Which I was very taken aback by because I barely knew him!! But I said no. And I told him that if sex and physical stuff was important to him, we might as well end our night right there because he wasn't going to get it with me. I told him I realize that is important to some people, but it isn't important to me and it isn't what I want. He just said that as long as I kept looking at him the way that I was, he didn't care about anything else. He loved the way I looked at him.

We stayed together until 4 in the morning. All the while, he was asking me if I was really interested in him. If I was "for real". He continued talking to me about how he loved that I really looked at him. I saw him. We kissed more, of course. He even let me drive his truck. It was an incredible night. I kept telling myself he was saying everything too perfectly...but I'd given him numerous opportunities to escape.

I was upfront and told him he wouldn't be getting any from me. I repeatedly said I needed to go home and get some sleep for work in the morning. If he was playing me, he could have told me to go home and he would have come off concerned. But he stayed with me until I finally pried myself away from him at 4 in the morning. He kept saying he was afraid if he let me go, I'd forget about him. But...I finally went home. He even called me twice: once to make sure I got home safe and to ask me out to breakfast, and once to let me know he got home safely.

But that was the end, right there. I saw him a few days later and he completely ignored me. Acted like nothing had happened. Heck, he didn't even just talk to me. It was almost like he was avoiding me.

What I don't understand is why he did that to me. It couldn't have been very satisfying for him! I didn't sleep with him. Heck, he didn't even get to feel me up. I gave him many opportunities to "escape" if indeed he was only looking for the booty call. But he didn't take them. So, I figured he was being sincere. Nothing could be further from the truth.

What did he get out of that? He didn't even get the satisfaction of seeing me upset. Because when he was ignoring me, I was laughing and having a good time with other people. I didn't let him see I was upset. I didn't grovel to him. Nothing. I just acted as he was, like nothing special had happened.

I can't comprehend that mindset. It doesn't make sense to me. But, what's worse is, I can't get him out of my head! I think about that night all the time and it drives me crazy. Because I know I got played. I want to be free of that memory. I guess I just need a new distraction. *sigh*
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