Yawnk (savannahjan) wrote in forlonelyhearts,
Yawnk
savannahjan
forlonelyhearts

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Low point

I thought of you again last night. And wondered if you ever still think of me. But I know the answer to that is no. You don't find thoughts of me randomly creeping into aspects of your life that leave you longing for just one more beautiful moment. Those moments have become fewer and farther between in my life, but that means that when it happens, it is all the more potent. Your essence is stronger somehow.

I was hiking up near Helen Hunt falls. Have you been there? I wondered what it would be like to be there with you. But that also led to the inevitable question of, "Have you brought the new girl here?" I imagine that the area was beautiful and green, though everything was in varying shades of black and gray. And I looked for you underneath every tree, hoping you'd magically be there waiting for me. But you never were.

We started the hike and I was in the middle of a big group. We were laughing and telling stories. And I wished you were there with me to hold my hand. To make sure I didn't slip on the gravel. I imagined you coming up behind me and hugging me close.

Somewhere down the way, I found myself mostly alone. And that was really when I longed for your touch. I walked up a slight incline that led to a breathtaking view of an orange moon shining down on the lights of the city. It was so easy to feel your arms around me. Hugging me from behind the way you used to do. I could smell your cologne and I breathed so deeply. I stood looking down on the city lights, wishing you were there with me. Telling me how much you loved me and just wanted to be there with me. We had a lot of moments like that.

There was a breeze and I imagined it was you breathing gently on my neck. I wanted to lean back into you so badly. But you weren't there. Just my wishful thinking and shadows I worked desperately to manipulate into your image. But they were unwielding.

Places on the trail were brightly lit by the full moon that rose as time progressed. I remembered laying in bed beside you, moonlight spilling onto the bed. Your face was so gentle as you stared at me, love shining through your eyes, surrounding me.

I wanted you there with me.

But, with all those lovely memories, comes the reality. You are no longer mine to love. And I know you don't love me. I do not want you back. I don't think I do. I want what we had. Surely there is a man out there with love just for me. With arms to enfold me and a desire to cherish me. I feel alone without you. But it isn't you, it is love. I'm alone without love. Memories of our love are all I have to carry me through. Especially on those moonlit walks through romantic trails where lovers steal kisses and secret promises. Come with me just this once.
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