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The Lonely Hearts Club

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Great, almost V-day...again [13 Feb 2006|08:25pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

Let's just say I have a really good reason why I haven't updated or posted.

I went out with a guy called Raj in Dec.9 and let's just say the very next day he dumped me. His text messages, however, made me really scared and disgusted.

I just can't get the fact that he forced me to pash him against my own will. Now rumours are spreading at school saying that I went out with a 30 yr old (he was 19) and that he raped me. All this is not true and I HATE these rumours spreading. can't anyone just give me a break at school? This has made me feel really down and useless.


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+1 more lonely heart [20 Oct 2005|09:56pm]

Hi, may I join you please.

There is a story I'd like to share but it is not about love, rather than about friendship I think. But anyway due to my real stupidity think I am loosing a good friend.
[the story]
When I do wrong think I cannot stand thinking of it and at the same time I cannot get rid of thinking of it :E
In fact I have a family and I think I am happily married person but for some unknown reason I feel lonely:\ Does anybody feel the same?
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[28 Sep 2005|03:43pm]

A tear drops out of no where on the page in which I am so vividly writing my day's roller-coaster ride. It ripples and splashes throughout the paper causing a wave-like form to become permanent into the book. The blue lines and black ink now running along the edge of the paper as if it were mascara on a sad-eyed girl who was crying. The moistness permeates the pages as would her heart-felt tear leak deep into her soul. now not only the page is affected but all the pages because of the power behind it just as her one tear means more to her than a thousand others with the ability to shape some of her perspectives on previously written pages in the diary of her heart and soul. I’m trying to work around the wet spots and only write on the couple lines per page and so it is with her trying to avoid the troubled wet spots in her life for now until they fry up of tears and pain and she has to look them head-on. each page now open to easy-tear edges, bent corners, and deranged forms just as if she opened her heart up to a boy with the greater possibility of easy-tear edges, bent corners, and deranged forms. Spirals that hold it all together are in disarray as if her spine that holds her together were bent and the cause of this was old age. I re-read my writings to get inspiration and instead I come across a grenade-like phrase that blew up on the page, and the same in her life looking to confide in the only human she can trust and gets blown away by the explosion of her friend's words which leaves her with cuts and bruises that need a minute to heal. These pages are unclean because the pen I use is unclean, like her lips are unclean from the nasty words that leave her mouth. Empty lines are yearning to be filled with poetry far beyond the writer's years like her mal-nourished eyes are hungry for the serenity that it lacks. The pregnability of these words is consistent with the pregnability of her heart in the state of mind that she is in right now. Each word perfectly selected by the writer, yet the world looks at it as a mistake like the way a preemie is perceived when it is finally born.
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[25 Sep 2005|10:50pm]

You must forgive me for the tone of my last post. When I wrote the entry I was experiencing a minor lapse - relatively speaking. In all actuality, then events of the past have no bearing on the events of the future, at least not directly. Right? That experience was the best and the worst; confusing and enlightening. The end of it was only the beginning, and that was over a year ago. I have stopped thinking about the incident itself and have concentrated my ponderings on the future. But, I am entirely clueless as to a course of action. I, throughout my entire existence, have never felt the warmth of affection from another (excluding family members, which is a different sort of affection to begin with). I have never been a part of a relationship, never had a girlfriend, and never been on a date. For nearly two decades I have walked upon the face of this world, much to the dismay of others. It is driving me mad, quite literally. I do not know what to do, and I am not even sure that I would know how to follow directions if they were plainly visible. I would like to step in from this cold dark place, but I am lost and ashamedly afraid. I do not know what to do.

- Franz
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Low point [20 Sep 2005|02:08pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

I thought of you again last night. And wondered if you ever still think of me. But I know the answer to that is no. You don't find thoughts of me randomly creeping into aspects of your life that leave you longing for just one more beautiful moment. Those moments have become fewer and farther between in my life, but that means that when it happens, it is all the more potent. Your essence is stronger somehow.

I was hiking up near Helen Hunt falls. Have you been there? I wondered what it would be like to be there with you. But that also led to the inevitable question of, "Have you brought the new girl here?" I imagine that the area was beautiful and green, though everything was in varying shades of black and gray. And I looked for you underneath every tree, hoping you'd magically be there waiting for me. But you never were.

We started the hike and I was in the middle of a big group. We were laughing and telling stories. And I wished you were there with me to hold my hand. To make sure I didn't slip on the gravel. I imagined you coming up behind me and hugging me close.

Somewhere down the way, I found myself mostly alone. And that was really when I longed for your touch. I walked up a slight incline that led to a breathtaking view of an orange moon shining down on the lights of the city. It was so easy to feel your arms around me. Hugging me from behind the way you used to do. I could smell your cologne and I breathed so deeply. I stood looking down on the city lights, wishing you were there with me. Telling me how much you loved me and just wanted to be there with me. We had a lot of moments like that.

There was a breeze and I imagined it was you breathing gently on my neck. I wanted to lean back into you so badly. But you weren't there. Just my wishful thinking and shadows I worked desperately to manipulate into your image. But they were unwielding.

Places on the trail were brightly lit by the full moon that rose as time progressed. I remembered laying in bed beside you, moonlight spilling onto the bed. Your face was so gentle as you stared at me, love shining through your eyes, surrounding me.

I wanted you there with me.

But, with all those lovely memories, comes the reality. You are no longer mine to love. And I know you don't love me. I do not want you back. I don't think I do. I want what we had. Surely there is a man out there with love just for me. With arms to enfold me and a desire to cherish me. I feel alone without you. But it isn't you, it is love. I'm alone without love. Memories of our love are all I have to carry me through. Especially on those moonlit walks through romantic trails where lovers steal kisses and secret promises. Come with me just this once.

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Single and looking [20 Sep 2005|01:14am]

[ mood | Lonely ]

I dunno what to say. I'm 24 (25 in November) yet I'm still single. It gets lonely and depressing :( I have had no real success at meeting women.

About Me:
Name: Don
Gender: Male
Age: 24 (25 in November)
Height: 5 foot 10 inches
Build: Average
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Ethnicity: Mixed Bag
Education: High School
Marital Status: Come and grab me. I'm completely available.
Children: None
Location: Just north of Seattle
Email: Omega@mechmodels.com
Picture coming soon (scanner broke)

Interests: Reading, writing, Israel (I am very pro-Israel), sci-fi, cats, looking up at the stars, drawing

What I'm looking for in a woman:
Age: 18 and over
Height: Any
Hair Color: Any
Eye Color: Any
Ethnicity: Any
Education: Any
Marital Staus: Single
Children: None
Location: Any
Interests: Any

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New Member [04 Sep 2005|11:17pm]


I recently joined this community, so I thought that it would be proper for me to introduce myself. I am Franz. The most accurate description of myself may be given in one word. I am a nerd. I listen to classical music primarily along with some operatic selections in addition to other forms. My two passions are music and science. I play the horn in the local symphony, and I am studying chemical engineering.
Before I may tell you my story, I feel that I must ask how long I may write it. It is a story going back four years: two and half years of build up, half a year of perpetual failure, and one full year of depression, mental disunion, the Cycle of Lunacy, unpleasant visions and other schizophrenic tendencies, and finally somewhat of a conclusion. I am learning to put it behind me, yet I am unsure where to go since I have never really been anywhere else. Have I come to the right place? Thank you for your time.

- Franz
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Not complaining, I have to vent [20 Aug 2005|10:10pm]

Yeah, curiousity killed me first, then the cat. I was wondering what happened to my first boyfriend, J. We started dating in 95 and dated through high school until a week before I left for college in 98, when he cheated on me and dumped me for L. I haven't seen him since 99 and had heard rumors that he and L got married. Let me clarify that I don't love him, am completly over him and harbor no ill will toward him. So I was looking through our county phonebook yesterday and looked him up. Sure enough there was their names, J and L. So they had been married. For some reason, I felt funny. I can't explain how I feel. It just feels weird to have your first boyfriend married off to some girl he dumped you for. I feel like a tool. I'm 25, been single for 4 years and have no prospects while my friends are slowly getting married off. Augh. I can't explain how I feel.

Has anyone else had an ex get married and felt strange about it?
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[14 Aug 2005|07:35pm]

Hey everyone,

My name is Rachel Sarah, and I just created this new community rainbowsofhope. It was created as a place where you can talk about your problems and make friends along the way. Please feel more than free to join.

My appologies if this sort of thing isn't allowed.
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Players [28 Jul 2005|04:10pm]

[ mood | okay ]

About a month ago, I had a romantic evening with a guy named Mike. I had seen and talked with him a couple times in a bar I frequent for karaoke. I had found him attractive and he had flirted with me a bit. Well, one particular Wednesday, he even asked me to dance. He asked me to pick a song for him to sing because he was trying to impress me. He let me wear his cowboy hat. He was boggled that me, a teacher, would be interested in a guy like him. He is the DJ at the bar we were at.

When the bar closed, he gave me his number and asked me to call him when I got back from my 2 week vacation. He then asked to walk me out to my car. I knew he was going to kiss me. And that was fine by me. I was even a little giddy about it. We got to my car, and sure enough, he asks to kiss me. And it was...yummy. He is a great kisser. We talked for a long time about how different we were. He lives the bar scene. He's in a band. He does own his own business. But we are very different. I don't drink or smoke, and I don't have premarital sex.

Well, he started kissing me again and then...he asked to touch my chest. Which I was very taken aback by because I barely knew him!! But I said no. And I told him that if sex and physical stuff was important to him, we might as well end our night right there because he wasn't going to get it with me. I told him I realize that is important to some people, but it isn't important to me and it isn't what I want. He just said that as long as I kept looking at him the way that I was, he didn't care about anything else. He loved the way I looked at him.

We stayed together until 4 in the morning. All the while, he was asking me if I was really interested in him. If I was "for real". He continued talking to me about how he loved that I really looked at him. I saw him. We kissed more, of course. He even let me drive his truck. It was an incredible night. I kept telling myself he was saying everything too perfectly...but I'd given him numerous opportunities to escape.

I was upfront and told him he wouldn't be getting any from me. I repeatedly said I needed to go home and get some sleep for work in the morning. If he was playing me, he could have told me to go home and he would have come off concerned. But he stayed with me until I finally pried myself away from him at 4 in the morning. He kept saying he was afraid if he let me go, I'd forget about him. But...I finally went home. He even called me twice: once to make sure I got home safe and to ask me out to breakfast, and once to let me know he got home safely.

But that was the end, right there. I saw him a few days later and he completely ignored me. Acted like nothing had happened. Heck, he didn't even just talk to me. It was almost like he was avoiding me.

What I don't understand is why he did that to me. It couldn't have been very satisfying for him! I didn't sleep with him. Heck, he didn't even get to feel me up. I gave him many opportunities to "escape" if indeed he was only looking for the booty call. But he didn't take them. So, I figured he was being sincere. Nothing could be further from the truth.

What did he get out of that? He didn't even get the satisfaction of seeing me upset. Because when he was ignoring me, I was laughing and having a good time with other people. I didn't let him see I was upset. I didn't grovel to him. Nothing. I just acted as he was, like nothing special had happened.

I can't comprehend that mindset. It doesn't make sense to me. But, what's worse is, I can't get him out of my head! I think about that night all the time and it drives me crazy. Because I know I got played. I want to be free of that memory. I guess I just need a new distraction. *sigh*

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[24 Jul 2005|10:51am]

It appears that once again I’m just another stepping-stone for someone in search of better things.

Back in December when my last relationship ended due to his neglecting me I determined that I was finished with dating and the entire relationship pursuit and I wasn’t even bitter about it; I was perfectly happy, content and comfortable with this.

After about five months of growing within myself and accomplishing things I had never accomplished before I felt happy for the first time in my life. I started to open back up to people by getting more involved in going out and not being reclusive and enjoying it, not feeling the strains that I normally would feel. I then started getting back into reading my live journal too not just the ones that were friends but those acquaintances that I felt never read my journal any ways.

That’s when I came across this one boys, someone who had always intrigued me for whatever reason it’s hard to say, still at this point I wasn’t looking but he wanted someone to go see a preview showing of Star Wars before it was released. Honestly how could I pass it up?

But in my mind it was just going to go with someone, not a date. Where I failed in continuing my pursuit to being single was I let his calling it a date sink in and believed in that and things progressed from there. For two months we hung out every day, minus when he went out of town for work, and I was happy with things.

But it never fails that I always meet someone just as they are getting out of something and can’t offer me anything, which at first I was okay with but it started slipping down to where they were not being so nice and I had to walk away because I deserve better but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I had to take the knife and kill my disillusion that things would change when they probably never would have.

So once again I’m just that stepping stone, because even though he says that he’s not going to be with anyone because he can’t offer them anything, he will be and he will find his happiness with someone and it hurts that it won’t be me.

This is the story of my dating life and someday I hope it will change. But I really do get tired of hearing “the right person will come along”
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[09 Jun 2005|10:10am]

Hey I just want to put out a warning to all the single guys out there. If you use Yahoo Personals, beware of Russian mail-order-bride scams. This Russian woman keeps e-mailing me, telling me all about herself and wanting to know more about me. She e-mailed me out of the blue and kept using my name over and over again. I found her picture on a black list for Russian Bride scams. Anyway, if you know any single guys who use Yahoo Personals, let them know.

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Just ruined [19 May 2005|08:50pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

I am just ruined

I got a fake love letter, I knew it was fake, but people rubbed it in and sed it was real. When I found out it wasn't, I felt totally alone. WHy is it people like lying 2 me? Don't they know the hurt they gave me?

I knew it was a fake, but why did people say it wasn't?

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[16 Mar 2005|08:03pm]

i want to quit this community seeing knowing no updates or anything
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[07 Mar 2005|04:51pm]

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[14 Feb 2005|04:13pm]
title or description

If this is not allowed, the mods can delete it.
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[13 Feb 2005|11:31am]

Hey Guys Im new. My name is Erin and Im 16 and from Michigan. Anyways I have the worst luck in guys. I always seem to fall for the totally wrong guy. I always get cheated on or seem to be the other girl. At times I wonder if there are any good guys in this world....Just sick of being hurt.....Just wishing my prince would show up soon!
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New here [11 Feb 2005|06:58pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Hello! I'm 16, and I've never had a PROPER boyfriend. I had a thing with a guy few years older than me. I wanted more than him, he got bored, calls me a whiner. I'm very confused about this now. And hurt. He didn't take me for real, I guess. He thinks I'm too childish for him.

Is there any nice men in the world?

I'm going to be a bitter spinster if there isn't.

And I'm from Finland so please forgive me my mistakes.

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Madison and Silas-part one [09 Feb 2005|12:57pm]
He drove until he found a nature park. Parking the car, getting the blanket, and finding a grassy spot were easy.
She shivered and he held her closer, wrapping the blanket around them.
“Baby, you’re so beautiful,” Silas breathed, “I never want this night to end. Let’s just lay here forever.”
“Mmmmm,” Madison sighed, “I don’t care what people say about you. I think you’re perfect. You’re the most romantic and gentle person I’ve ever met.”
He hugged Madison and whispered in her ear, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she smiled. She lightly rubbed his stomach under his shirt. Silas responded by caressing her face. He gazed at her peaceful face. Feeling like someone was watching her, Madison opened her eyes. Silas immediately smiled. He softly rubbed he chest under her shirt, not breaking her gaze. Madison smiled back and nodded. With that Silas slowly peeled off his love’s shirt. A baby blue bra rested naturally over her small chest. Madison knew that once her shirt was off the light was green to remove his. She reached for the top button on his grey and yellow plaid shirt. As Madison undid each button she lovingly kissed his chest and stomach. She slipped the shirt off his shoulders.
“Mmmm, I love when you kiss my chest,” Silas breathed. She ran her hands down his chest, down his stomach and brushing her fingers lightly over his zipper. She felt that he was growing hard. The thought of being able to give him so much pleasure mad her smile. As she lightly teased him over his pants Silas reached to her back and fiddled with the bra hook. He got it undone and let it slide to the floor. Silas pulled his girl close and kissed her lips.
Silas gazed into her eyes and caressed her cheek tenderly, “Baby girl…I love you so much…. could I…well, I want to make love to you.”
She nuzzled against his chest and smiled.
“I promise, I’ll be so gentle. I wont hurt you and I’ll go slowly. I just want to feel your body close to mine. It’d be so safe and warm inside you…I want to give myself to you.”
“Shhhh…baby boy,” she touched a finger to his lips, “Making love to you would be amazing. I know you’d never hurt me. You’re the sweetest guy in the whole world. You’re so gentle and caring.”
She stroked his cheek and Silas ran his fingers through his baby’s hair. Madison grabbed his hips and slowly pulled his boxers down. All the while he was gazing into her eyes and planting soft kisses on her face. Silas felt her small hand tenderly stroking his dick. He pulled her underwear off gently and grasped her tighter.
She began to kiss his neck and the kisses trailed down to his forearm where fresh scars and cuts lay. She delicately kissed his cuts, making sure not to hurt him. Her lips would occasionally linger; not moving, just breathing.
“I wish you wouldn’t hurt yourself sweet boy.”
He looked down, ashamed, “I’m sorry. It’s just that sometimes that’s the only thing that makes me feel better.”
She smiled softly and held his hands, “I know. I just wish I could be there for you when you feel this bad.”
He blinked back tears and whispered, “You are there for me. All the time.” He took her hand and placed it over his heart. He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. Their lips met and they tenderly kissed. Tears started to run from their eyes. Gazing at one another, both their hearts ached to be closer.
Silas gently pushed his hips against his loves’. Her breath caught and she pushed back. They started a slow pace and then Silas murmured into her ear.
“Can I be inside you now?”
Madison smiled softly, “That’d be nice.”
They both shifted so they were on their sides; facing each other. He stared into her warm eyes and saw everything that he loved about her. She gazed back at Silas and felt her body ache for him. This is whom she wants to give herself to.
He moved around so he felt himself against her opening.
He took a deep breath, “I’m ready when you are sweetie.”
Madison smiled and nodded, “I’m ready.”
Their eyes pierced one another as Silas delicately pushed he into her. He whimpered as he felt her moist skin hug his dick. Madison closed her eyes and bit her lip, pulling him closer. They lay still for a moment, adjusting to the feeling of being one. He reached out and gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.
Madison opened her eyes and saw tears brimming in Silas’. His hand stopped and he held her face, bringing it close to his own. He nuzzled his cheek against her’s and murmured, “Sweet girl…. I love you so much.”
She let out a small sigh and whispered back, “I love you too baby boy.”
Their lips met and kissed. With each kiss Madison and Silas grew more passionate. The kisses deepened and their tongues danced feverishly.
He started to slide back and forth inside her. She moaned as they kissed and pressed his hips against her own. He felt a tingling inside him that he never knew existed. It wasn’t the immense physical pleasure, but it was having someone there with him. To truly connect with another human being.
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new [08 Feb 2005|02:42am]

[ mood | tired ]

Hey guys, I'm new here,My name is Sam, I'm 18 from michigan and im not lucky in love at all!!!! every guy i've dated has cheated on me, i dont think anything is wrong with me, but i could be wrong lol...but i seem to attract idiots, :-( but i do like this guy right now, he's kind of my best friend and he kinda likes me too, but we are just gonna see how things go.....Just wanted to say hi!Hope to meet some new people! :-)

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